My Story that I shared at the Candle Lighting Ceremony

This is the speech that had for tonight. It was held at the Brignoli Manor in Talladega. Such a beautiful place. I will post pictures soon.

None of us expected to be where we are at today, having gone through this Valley of loss. I always feared losing a child while pregnant. I had carried 3 children to term before Joseph. But from the very beginning God began to give me signs and give me peace and a deeper hunger for the word. One of the scripture that he gave me while doing a Bible study this summer was

Isaiah 43: 1-3.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
Always associate through with Faith.
This was a new concept to me so I took my time to “get it” this was before we knew that I would be carrying another blessing. In first days of loss, God brought this back to me while studying. I really get it now. later on, just a few weeks before that fateful day, I was standing on the back row of the choir, where I don't normally stand, and I could see my dad from there, I don't remember what we were singing, but as I looked at my earthy father, my heavenly father, said so plainly to me, “Your momma is going to hold that baby.” I battled with God while we continued to sing, I began to cry, and pushed that away thinking it was just my fears. By this point in the pregnancy, I was already preparing my self for a long road ahead of me. I was not my self, I could barely function day to day. Later I would find out that is typical of a pregnancy that would end in loss. All during this time God would tell me to get back in the word and to journal. I wished I had of listened, because there was so much he was wanting to tell me and there so much he was telling me to write.
I actually began to feel better about a week before we lost Joesph, and I was thinking good, I am getting past the morning sickness stage.
On October 15, 2010, Little did I know it was pregnancy loss awareness day. The kids and I were outside playing and I had my son take a Pregnant picture for me, I was just beginning to show. That was exactly a week before we delivered Baby Joseph Sleeping. As I look at the pictures of my kids from that day, it’s prophetic to me the looks on there faces.
On October 17.2010 We had Old Fashioned Day at the Church. The Master’s quartet from Mississippi was there. Close to the end of service, one of the guys in the group began talking about going through the Valley. As he spoke, I was talking to God about how long it had been since I had been through a valley. And I thanked him for keeping on the mountain top. Little did I know that We would be in the deepest Valley we have ever experienced by the end of the week.

On Thursday, We went to the Dr. I was 17 weeks. I had put off my appointment 1 week so that my husband could go. That had to be God’s direction. While I sat and waited to have the sonogram, I felt lifeless, I had been there many times through out my other 3 pregnancy’s so part of me said you are getting used to this, that is why you feel the way you do, and deep down in a whisper I knew something was wrong. But even through the sonogram I had hope, I was not convinced that he was gone. But there was no heart beat. he did not move. and for the first time in my life I was going through something none of us ever wanted to experience. I was in shock, disbelief, all those emotions but I had peace, a peace that truly passed all my understanding. And the first thing God reminded me of was what he told me on that day standing in the Choir. I told everyone who came in the room. My doctor came in after a little time for Keith and I to let reality sink in, and the the first thing she did was hug my neck and tell us the most important thing we needed to hear at that moment, It’s not your fault, It’s not Keith’s fault, its nothing either of you did or did not do, this just happens sometimes.

She gave me the option to deliver that precious baby or to go in for “surgery”. I human, I am about to just die from sorrow part of me said “surgery” But thank God I was aware of Bereavement and I called the office and Jennifer called me back a while later, while I was standing in Life Way picking out a bear for our daughter Kandace. I knew Kandace would take it hard, she had prayed for this baby.
God intervened, and Jennifer talked to me about what I was going though, and told me that I should rethink and deliver the baby. I told her I could not do that, and she so lovingly reminded me of who I am, that that is not what Debbie would do. I called my doctor back and told them I had changed my mind that I would go through with delivering him. Those were some of the hardest hours of my life, we cried and held each other, and our kids, people called, gave us encouragement, prayed for us. The next morning I went in to L&D.
I have to hand it to the staff, they all were so great. And God showed out. It was so special, Just as special as the other children’s Birthday’s. After Baby Joseph came, I held his tiny lifeless body. And to think just a few years ago we might not have even got to see him!! Keith held his son for over 2 hours. He was not sure if could handle it before he was born, but through God’s grace he did, That meant so much to me, Family and Church family were there that evening. I was so glad to have them there with us. Many of them got to see Joseph.
In the weeks following his death, there was so much God has taught me from his word. I have come to a place where I can Thank God for the Valley we have been through. I love my Lord Jesus even more now.
I have started a blog to share more of what God is doing in our life. He has use this baby to share the gospel, and His love with others.

Isaiah 65:20 NIV
20 “Never again will there be in it
an infant who lives but a few days,
or an old man who does not live out his years;
the one who dies at a hundred
will be thought a mere child;
the one who fails to reach[a] a hundred
will be considered accursed.

Psalm 139:13-16 (New International Version, ©2010)
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.